Twilight:Rewritten (Chapter 3)

I had someone ask me when the lead male is going to appear. All I have to say right now is patience. It'll probably be another couple of chapters. I really want to develop my female lead and give a clear picture of her life so the differences between before and after him are obvious. You'll likely meet him before the end of the week, so just be patient. All in good time.

It was after one in the afternoon by the time I woke up. I dragged myself out of bed and went to the window, pushing aside the curtains to look out the window groggily. The day was once again overcast, but the clouds hung lower today and the threat of rain was heavy in the air. My grumbling stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten in nearly 24 hours. I began to head for the kitchen before remembering that I had yet to go shopping and the house was completely devoid of food. Groaning, I dug through boxes for shampoo, conditioner, soap and my other bathroom supplies. Thus armed, I marched into the bathroom to try to make myself presentable enough to go out into public.

Despite my desire to get out and go shopping, I had to admit that the shower was pleasantly refreshing. I studied my face in the mirror as I dried my hair, trying to decide if I felt like putting out the effort of applying makeup. Normally I at least wore concealer and foundation with a bit of blush to even out my complexion, but I had noticed the previous day that without the harsh sun of the desert hitting my skin, it actually looked quite pretty. I walked back into the bedroom and opened the curtains wide before turning to face the mirror that leaned against the wall. My skin looked smooth, almost flawless, which was a feat in and of itself and I was certainly paler than usual; no one here would guess that I was a Latina though my skin was still too dark for me to be taken as a pure white girl. I shook my hair over my shoulder and took a moment to admire how the darkness of my hair highlighted the paleness of my face. I'd never considered myself to be really pretty. I figured I was average at best, but looking at myself now, I actually felt pretty for the first time in who knew how long.

Twilight: Rewritten (Chapter 2)

One thing I want to mention before I get too far along is that what I'm doing is just writing. I am really not doing any kind of editing at this point, so I realize that what you're reading is very raw. I'm sorry if that bugs anyone, but my goal at this point is just to get everything written and then go back because I have an issue of getting partway through a story and just stopping. If you've read my blog, that's probably pretty obvious. I do best writing short stories where I can get all my ideas out at once. I'm hoping this one will fare better since I actually have the story fairly complete in my head which is a first honestly. Anyway, I will hopefully get chapter 3 written and posted between now and Tuesday. I have classes all day tomorrow so I don't expect I'll get anything done then.

I was woken up by a light tapping on my knee. I opened my eyes slowly, blinking owlishly as I looked around in confusion. It took me a second to reorient myself and remember where I was.

"Sorry to wake you, girl, but we're here," Duane told me, gesturing at the small house before me.

His words shook the final remnants of sleep from me as I leaned forward and took my first look at my new home. I was relieved to see my red Xterra already sitting in the driveway. It had been simpler just to have it moved along with the rest of my possessions rather than making the almost 1,500 mile drive myself. I was already paying to have everything else moved and moving it as well had proved to be much cheaper than I had expected.

Twilight: Rewritten (Chapter 1)

I am aware that this is a very short chapter, but I'm finding as I begin to write that a fair amount of research is required. This is mostly due to the fact that I want to make this my own and not be an obvious rewrite of Twilight because the way I have it planned, it's going to be quite different. As I plan out more and more of the story, I'm finding that I'm taking the very general idea of Twilight, boy meets girl kind of thing but, surprise, boy is actually a vampire and then adding my own twists and turns. One of my biggest goals is to make my female lead have an actual personality. I always hated Bella because she was so boring and I really want to avoid that here. I want my lead to be someone that people can appreciate and identify with and sympathize or empathize with. I want her to be real. Anyway, generally speaking, I think I'm going to continue making the chapters relatively short. I don't have a ton of free time and shorter chapters makes it easier for me to stay focused and actually get something written rather than waiting and hoping for larger chunk of time to be available. In any case, here's chapter 1 and again any thoughts or opinions would be much appreciated!

I pressed my head against the hard glass of the airplane window, straining to see every part of land below. I was struck once again by all the green I saw. It dominated the landscape in a way I had never seen, but then green isn't exactly a common color in the Land of Enchantment. Green mostly came in the form of the weeds that grew everywhere. Browns and greys, though? Those colors were everywhere. I wasn't a fan of them, the colors of the desert. To me they signified desolation, a place where life wasn't meant to grow or thrive. But green, green was life and what I saw below me was a lot of life.

Twilight: Rewritten (Prologue)

I realize it's been month since I've posted anything. Honestly, as much as I've been saving writing prompts on Pinterest and all, I simply haven't had any actual desire to write. However, as I was cleaning out the trunk of my car earlier today, I came across a box of books that had been sitting there for I'm going to say well over a year. They're all books bound for Goodwill, but me being me, I went through to make sure there was nothing that I wanted to keep. Among the various books was the Twilight series, four of the books I hate most. Out of random curiosity and a half-assed desire to try to once again understand why these books are so popular, I flipped through the first one and was once again massively unimpressed. The concept was still spectacularly stupid to me and the writing awful. Not that I can really talk since I can't say if my writing is any better, but then again, nothing I've ever written has gotten on the New York Times Best Seller list. And as most people know the popular Fifty Shades of Grey series originated as a Twilight fanfiction before the names were changed and it was published. Well, flipping through the book, I decided that I wanted to attempt my own "fanfiction" piece, except that I'm not a fan and my idea was rather darker and more in the typical vampire theme. If you've read Twilight, you know it starts with a prologue. Below is my prologue. I'd love some genuine feedback if it sounds interesting and if I should continue. I may continue anyways, but feedback always helps. ;)

Forever. That’s what he’d told me, what he promised me. An eternity together. He wouldn’t lie to me, he couldn't. Why would he when he so clearly loved me; it was in his every look, his every move. It couldn’t all be a lie, could it? I raised my hands to cover my face, to block out the sight before me, and found myself staring at blood, my blood, covering my hands like a scarlet glove. My breath caught in my throat as I stared, my mind struggling to understand all that had transpired within the last hour.

I slowly raised my eyes to his, hoping beyond hope to see even a glimmer of affection. I saw nothing. I looked up into the eyes that had once been so filled with love and finally understood. I had fallen for a monster. I let out a short, hysterical laugh as the pieces slowly fell into place, as I was finally forced to face and accept the inevitable. I was an instrument, his instrument, only wanted and useful until the job was completed. And now, the job was done; I was of no more use to him. A cold smile spread across his lips as he saw the veil lift, as I saw him for who he truly was: a master of manipulation.

I stood up painfully, every inch of my body screaming in protest. His eyes flared with interest, clearly wondering if his prey was going to put up a fight. I, however, had no intention of fighting him, I saw no point in delaying the inevitable. But even as he stalked me, I was once again struck by his beauty, his gracefulness. I was no longer under his spell though and for the first time, I saw just how terrible and dangerous his beauty was. How could I have been so blind? Looking back, it was so easy to see that he was using me. As tears slowly trailed down my cheeks, I turned away from him and pressed my palms against the cool glass of the window. The sun was just beginning to rise over the treetops in all its glory. I drank in the sight for a long moment, thankful that beauty, not darkness would be the last thing I saw. I slowly closed my eyes and waited.