The Darkness

Darkness. She was intimately familiar with the darkness that lived inside her, that sometimes seemed to inhabit her very soul. Some days she embraced it in all its horror and other days she rejected it with a strength borne of desperation. For years there had been a balance, but a year of changes had upset that very delicate balance and more and more she found herself giving into the darkness.

The darkness was her enemy. No matter how well she knew it of that she was always aware. But the darkness was seductive too and while she was aware of the danger, sometimes she didn't care. Because the darkness promised release, an eventual freedom from pain, freedom from her own mind. And as time continued its inexorable march, that freedom became more and more appealing. And the darkness took advantage of that, sinking its claws into her, infecting her with its poison. Soon it would consume her.

Sleep eluded her that night, her unfocused and scattered mind allowing the darkness to creep in. Carefully, it reached out its tendrils and began to gather those scattered thoughts, twining them together in a way that fit its purpose. Unaware of what the darkness was doing, of why her thoughts had begun to clarify, she found herself thinking back over the day, criticizing her every word and action. Why was it so hard for her keep her mouth shut? Why couldn't she be more competent in her job? Why were words so difficult sometimes? Why was she so useless? Around and around she went, sleep drifting farther and farther away as the darkness weaved its malicious web, drawing her deeper and deeper into its embrace. The internal vitriol she spewed at herself ate away at her, driving her to despair. It took her a long time, too long, to finally sense the web closing in around her mind. She began to fight it but those tendrils of darkness had wormed their way deep into her very being and this night she would not win. When sleep at last claimed her, pulling her free from the darkness and granting her mind the respite it so desperately needed, it found her more fractured than ever, the damage done by the darkness bordering on the irreparable. But there was still a spark of resilience and she had the strength to continue fighting the darkness, at least for a little while.

Hope

Hope is a delicate, fragile thing. Like a crystalline object, so easily shattered. Or a spark so easily extinguished by a breath of wind. It was this spark, one that had remained stubbornly alive for months, that she hoped to destroy once and for all.

"Um, I don't know how to say this, but, I like you. I don't want this to affect the way that we work together or anything, but I wanted to tell you."

Those first words came out in a jumbled rush growing more measured after the confession had been uttered and ending limply.

"What?"

He sounded genuinely surprised. She'd thought he might have had an inkling of her growing feelings, but evidently not. Or he was a good actor.

She repeated those three simple words. They were harder to get out this time because she knew what was coming.

"Thank you for your honesty but, I don't feel as strongly. I like you as a friend and a co-worker though. And don't worry about work, this won't affect that at all."

His words were spoken kindly, gently. She chanced a glance up and made eye contact. She didn't know what she expected to see. Judgment, disgust, pity. But all she saw was compassion and understanding. She knew he'd been where she was now and it was obvious to her that he didn't want to cause her any pain.

"I understand and thanks for your honesty."

The air hung between them awkwardly for several moments before he turned away.

"See you on Monday."

"Bye."

She watched him walk away, waiting for the relief that it was over to wash over her. Instead waves of pain and grief threatened to overwhelm her. She hurried to her car and let the tears come. Why did it hurt so much? She knew he was going to reject her, they always rejected her. She'd only been actively interested in four men in her almost thirty years. The first was the only one she'd dated, the other two had rejected her and now he had too.

What was it that made her so undesirable? So unlovable? No, she didn't fit society's standard of beauty in the slightest, but were men truly so unable to see past that? Was her appearance always going to be the roadblock to finding love and happiness?

Long minutes passed as the tears kept coming. This was wrong. She'd only confessed her feelings because she'd known he would reject her. She'd been certain that once that happened, her feelings would fade and that silly spark of hope would finally die. But there it was, a stubborn light that continued to burn.

Time, she thought, her breathing steadying as the tears slowed, all I need is time.

Four months later she bid him good night after another long day of work. She glanced over at him as she prepared to back out of her parking spot and head for home. His eyes were glued to his phone, he never glanced up. He never did.

A familiar pain in her chest reminded her of her unrequited feelings. Confessing had done nothing to extinguish them, she still liked him and he was still uninterested. How pathetic was that.

As she turned out of the parking lot, she wondered how long those feelings would continue. She'd never experienced anything like it. She'd gotten over her previous rejections well enough, but she couldn't kick this one. She turned on her music, anything to distract her, to pull her out of her thoughts.

Time, she thought for the umpteenth time, all I need is time.

Hope seems like a delicate, fragile thing. Like a crystalline object, appearing easily shattered. Or a spark which can be so easily extinguished by a breath of wind. But sometimes that crystalline object is hard as diamond and sometimes that breath of wind sets the spark ablaze.

The Virus

It was a beautiful spring morning, the sun shining, birds singing, trees blooming, in short, a perfect day. But few people seemed to take notice of its beauty. Everyone bustled about, their minds on all the things they needed to do, no time to stop and smell the proverbial roses. All except one young woman who gazed about her with delight as she walked through the grocery store parking lot. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, lifting her face to the sun as a gentle wind played with her hair. It truly was a glorious day. After months and months of cold and snow, this was the first truly warm day of the new year. Behind her, an older woman suddenly sneezed.

The next day, the news began reporting on the sudden increase in allergies that seemed to have gripped the nation. And then people started dying. The young woman who had so enjoyed that beautiful spring day was among the first to die. An autopsy revealed an aggressive new virus as the cause, a virus that was totally unknown. The medical and scientific world threw themselves into discovering what it was and where it came from, but the more they studied it, the more questions they had. It started out as a kind of respiratory infection before spreading to every other body system and wreaking havoc until the body could take no more and simply shut down. Once diagnosed, a person had only weeks to live at best, days in the worst cases. But what made it so deadly was that a person could remain asymptomatic for weeks or even months before becoming symptomatic as they inevitably did. Weeks and months that a person could still be transmitting the virus.

What began as mild alarm soon grew into full on panic as the virus spread across the globe. Within weeks it had invaded every continent except Antarctica and within months there were cases in every country. The drastic measures that countries began to adopt seemed to do little to stop the spread. Occasionally the number of positive cases would slow, but they never stopped.

For the next two years, the virus ravaged the world. Every time scientists thought they had found a way to contain it, it would evolve again and the number of sick and dead would skyrocket once more. Mass graves became normal as the death toll increased and cemeteries and morticians became overrun with the dead. And as things worsened, the dead were left to decay where they died in their homes. There was no one left to collect the bodies, it was every man, woman, and child for his and herself.

But as the human population declined, other life flourished. Without the threat of humans, many endangered species began to slowly recover. Forests began to grow and spread, slowly swallowing up villages, towns, and eventually cities. Buildings began to crumble, the revived plant and animal life speeding up their decay. The skies above once smog covered cities began to clear as factories ground to a halt and cars remained permanently parked. Five years after the outbreak, human life had ceased to exist on planet Earth. Animals and plants ruled the once thriving cities abiding by the only laws that remained: the laws of nature.

A young fawn followed its mother from the ruins of an old parking structure, lifting its face to the warm sun. It was a beautiful spring morning, the sun shining, birds singing, trees blooming, in short, a perfect day.

The Girl

If you know me at all, then you know that I am not a fan of zombies. I think the whole concept is seriously overused and just not that interesting. However, more recently I heard of a zombie movie that I thought I might actually like. It's called Train to Busan in case anyone is interested. Anyway, the general story is about a father trying to save his young daughter during a zombie apocalypse. Obviously there's more that happens, but that's kind of the bare bones of the plot. In reading about this movie, I suddenly thought, wouldn't it be terrifying if the kids were the zombies, not the adults. That's not an aspect that's been hugely explored, at least not as far as I'm aware; I'm not a zombie aficionado. And so the idea for this story was born. I think it's pretty clear that it's not complete, but I wanted to share what I have so far to see if people thought it was worth continuing and just get some general opinions. So please, read and comment, constructive criticism is very much appreciated as always.


It started with one child, a single child living in the countryside outside of Berlin. A smart, sweet child who suddenly disappeared. After days of frantic searching, she was found at last covered in dirt and mud and blood. Naturally her anxious parents rushed her to the hospital, but it was soon determined that there was nothing physically wrong with her. The blood was not her own. As the days passed, her parents came to realize that their sweet little girl was gone and in her place was a primitive, increasingly violent and terribly strong creature that began to attack anyone who came near. The doctors were utterly perplexed by her condition. Months passed with little progress in treating her. Their one discovery was that although she behaved primitively, she was almost disturbingly intelligent, certainly far beyond that of a normal eight year old. It was several more months before they began to notice that the girl was not hostile towards the other children on the floor when they passed by her window. If any adult passed by too closely, she would violently attack the window, smashing at it with her fists, her eyes wild. But when a child passed by, she simply watched them intently, almost longingly, sometimes even reaching out to them. The doctors decided to perform an experiment of sorts. The children on that floor had long been given up on by their parents and other family members and accidents did happen from time to time. If anything went wrong, it could easily be covered up.

Unknown

She stands on the brink of the unknown. Ahead is possibility, freedom, a potentially bright future but also uncertainty and the risk of failure. Behind is everything she's ever known and while she doesn't necessarily love it, the familiarity of it is comforting. But it's also a prison and the unknown is becoming more and more tempting. But what if she should fail? Could she bear to return to the life that she was so tired of, a life that felt meaningless and routine? She wanted adventure, to see the world, to truly live. She was tired of being bogged down by the mundane. But her friends, her family, they were all right there, so close. How could she survive without them? They were her rocks, her pillars. What if distance should cause them to drift apart? That she knew she could not bear. And so the fear kept her at bay, kept her from taking the leap. She felt bound to fall and if she did, could she rise again? But what if maybe, just maybe, she flew?

Twilight:Rewritten (Chapter 3)

I had someone ask me when the lead male is going to appear. All I have to say right now is patience. It'll probably be another couple of chapters. I really want to develop my female lead and give a clear picture of her life so the differences between before and after him are obvious. You'll likely meet him before the end of the week, so just be patient. All in good time.

It was after one in the afternoon by the time I woke up. I dragged myself out of bed and went to the window, pushing aside the curtains to look out the window groggily. The day was once again overcast, but the clouds hung lower today and the threat of rain was heavy in the air. My grumbling stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten in nearly 24 hours. I began to head for the kitchen before remembering that I had yet to go shopping and the house was completely devoid of food. Groaning, I dug through boxes for shampoo, conditioner, soap and my other bathroom supplies. Thus armed, I marched into the bathroom to try to make myself presentable enough to go out into public.

Despite my desire to get out and go shopping, I had to admit that the shower was pleasantly refreshing. I studied my face in the mirror as I dried my hair, trying to decide if I felt like putting out the effort of applying makeup. Normally I at least wore concealer and foundation with a bit of blush to even out my complexion, but I had noticed the previous day that without the harsh sun of the desert hitting my skin, it actually looked quite pretty. I walked back into the bedroom and opened the curtains wide before turning to face the mirror that leaned against the wall. My skin looked smooth, almost flawless, which was a feat in and of itself and I was certainly paler than usual; no one here would guess that I was a Latina though my skin was still too dark for me to be taken as a pure white girl. I shook my hair over my shoulder and took a moment to admire how the darkness of my hair highlighted the paleness of my face. I'd never considered myself to be really pretty. I figured I was average at best, but looking at myself now, I actually felt pretty for the first time in who knew how long.

Twilight: Rewritten (Chapter 2)

One thing I want to mention before I get too far along is that what I'm doing is just writing. I am really not doing any kind of editing at this point, so I realize that what you're reading is very raw. I'm sorry if that bugs anyone, but my goal at this point is just to get everything written and then go back because I have an issue of getting partway through a story and just stopping. If you've read my blog, that's probably pretty obvious. I do best writing short stories where I can get all my ideas out at once. I'm hoping this one will fare better since I actually have the story fairly complete in my head which is a first honestly. Anyway, I will hopefully get chapter 3 written and posted between now and Tuesday. I have classes all day tomorrow so I don't expect I'll get anything done then.

I was woken up by a light tapping on my knee. I opened my eyes slowly, blinking owlishly as I looked around in confusion. It took me a second to reorient myself and remember where I was.

"Sorry to wake you, girl, but we're here," Duane told me, gesturing at the small house before me.

His words shook the final remnants of sleep from me as I leaned forward and took my first look at my new home. I was relieved to see my red Xterra already sitting in the driveway. It had been simpler just to have it moved along with the rest of my possessions rather than making the almost 1,500 mile drive myself. I was already paying to have everything else moved and moving it as well had proved to be much cheaper than I had expected.