Twilight:Rewritten (Chapter 3)

I had someone ask me when the lead male is going to appear. All I have to say right now is patience. It'll probably be another couple of chapters. I really want to develop my female lead and give a clear picture of her life so the differences between before and after him are obvious. You'll likely meet him before the end of the week, so just be patient. All in good time.

It was after one in the afternoon by the time I woke up. I dragged myself out of bed and went to the window, pushing aside the curtains to look out the window groggily. The day was once again overcast, but the clouds hung lower today and the threat of rain was heavy in the air. My grumbling stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten in nearly 24 hours. I began to head for the kitchen before remembering that I had yet to go shopping and the house was completely devoid of food. Groaning, I dug through boxes for shampoo, conditioner, soap and my other bathroom supplies. Thus armed, I marched into the bathroom to try to make myself presentable enough to go out into public.

Despite my desire to get out and go shopping, I had to admit that the shower was pleasantly refreshing. I studied my face in the mirror as I dried my hair, trying to decide if I felt like putting out the effort of applying makeup. Normally I at least wore concealer and foundation with a bit of blush to even out my complexion, but I had noticed the previous day that without the harsh sun of the desert hitting my skin, it actually looked quite pretty. I walked back into the bedroom and opened the curtains wide before turning to face the mirror that leaned against the wall. My skin looked smooth, almost flawless, which was a feat in and of itself and I was certainly paler than usual; no one here would guess that I was a Latina though my skin was still too dark for me to be taken as a pure white girl. I shook my hair over my shoulder and took a moment to admire how the darkness of my hair highlighted the paleness of my face. I'd never considered myself to be really pretty. I figured I was average at best, but looking at myself now, I actually felt pretty for the first time in who knew how long.

Twilight: Rewritten (Chapter 2)

One thing I want to mention before I get too far along is that what I'm doing is just writing. I am really not doing any kind of editing at this point, so I realize that what you're reading is very raw. I'm sorry if that bugs anyone, but my goal at this point is just to get everything written and then go back because I have an issue of getting partway through a story and just stopping. If you've read my blog, that's probably pretty obvious. I do best writing short stories where I can get all my ideas out at once. I'm hoping this one will fare better since I actually have the story fairly complete in my head which is a first honestly. Anyway, I will hopefully get chapter 3 written and posted between now and Tuesday. I have classes all day tomorrow so I don't expect I'll get anything done then.

I was woken up by a light tapping on my knee. I opened my eyes slowly, blinking owlishly as I looked around in confusion. It took me a second to reorient myself and remember where I was.

"Sorry to wake you, girl, but we're here," Duane told me, gesturing at the small house before me.

His words shook the final remnants of sleep from me as I leaned forward and took my first look at my new home. I was relieved to see my red Xterra already sitting in the driveway. It had been simpler just to have it moved along with the rest of my possessions rather than making the almost 1,500 mile drive myself. I was already paying to have everything else moved and moving it as well had proved to be much cheaper than I had expected.

Twilight: Rewritten (Chapter 1)

I am aware that this is a very short chapter, but I'm finding as I begin to write that a fair amount of research is required. This is mostly due to the fact that I want to make this my own and not be an obvious rewrite of Twilight because the way I have it planned, it's going to be quite different. As I plan out more and more of the story, I'm finding that I'm taking the very general idea of Twilight, boy meets girl kind of thing but, surprise, boy is actually a vampire and then adding my own twists and turns. One of my biggest goals is to make my female lead have an actual personality. I always hated Bella because she was so boring and I really want to avoid that here. I want my lead to be someone that people can appreciate and identify with and sympathize or empathize with. I want her to be real. Anyway, generally speaking, I think I'm going to continue making the chapters relatively short. I don't have a ton of free time and shorter chapters makes it easier for me to stay focused and actually get something written rather than waiting and hoping for larger chunk of time to be available. In any case, here's chapter 1 and again any thoughts or opinions would be much appreciated!

I pressed my head against the hard glass of the airplane window, straining to see every part of land below. I was struck once again by all the green I saw. It dominated the landscape in a way I had never seen, but then green isn't exactly a common color in the Land of Enchantment. Green mostly came in the form of the weeds that grew everywhere. Browns and greys, though? Those colors were everywhere. I wasn't a fan of them, the colors of the desert. To me they signified desolation, a place where life wasn't meant to grow or thrive. But green, green was life and what I saw below me was a lot of life.

Twilight: Rewritten (Prologue)

I realize it's been month since I've posted anything. Honestly, as much as I've been saving writing prompts on Pinterest and all, I simply haven't had any actual desire to write. However, as I was cleaning out the trunk of my car earlier today, I came across a box of books that had been sitting there for I'm going to say well over a year. They're all books bound for Goodwill, but me being me, I went through to make sure there was nothing that I wanted to keep. Among the various books was the Twilight series, four of the books I hate most. Out of random curiosity and a half-assed desire to try to once again understand why these books are so popular, I flipped through the first one and was once again massively unimpressed. The concept was still spectacularly stupid to me and the writing awful. Not that I can really talk since I can't say if my writing is any better, but then again, nothing I've ever written has gotten on the New York Times Best Seller list. And as most people know the popular Fifty Shades of Grey series originated as a Twilight fanfiction before the names were changed and it was published. Well, flipping through the book, I decided that I wanted to attempt my own "fanfiction" piece, except that I'm not a fan and my idea was rather darker and more in the typical vampire theme. If you've read Twilight, you know it starts with a prologue. Below is my prologue. I'd love some genuine feedback if it sounds interesting and if I should continue. I may continue anyways, but feedback always helps. ;)

Forever. That’s what he’d told me, what he promised me. An eternity together. He wouldn’t lie to me, he couldn't. Why would he when he so clearly loved me; it was in his every look, his every move. It couldn’t all be a lie, could it? I raised my hands to cover my face, to block out the sight before me, and found myself staring at blood, my blood, covering my hands like a scarlet glove. My breath caught in my throat as I stared, my mind struggling to understand all that had transpired within the last hour.

I slowly raised my eyes to his, hoping beyond hope to see even a glimmer of affection. I saw nothing. I looked up into the eyes that had once been so filled with love and finally understood. I had fallen for a monster. I let out a short, hysterical laugh as the pieces slowly fell into place, as I was finally forced to face and accept the inevitable. I was an instrument, his instrument, only wanted and useful until the job was completed. And now, the job was done; I was of no more use to him. A cold smile spread across his lips as he saw the veil lift, as I saw him for who he truly was: a master of manipulation.

I stood up painfully, every inch of my body screaming in protest. His eyes flared with interest, clearly wondering if his prey was going to put up a fight. I, however, had no intention of fighting him, I saw no point in delaying the inevitable. But even as he stalked me, I was once again struck by his beauty, his gracefulness. I was no longer under his spell though and for the first time, I saw just how terrible and dangerous his beauty was. How could I have been so blind? Looking back, it was so easy to see that he was using me. As tears slowly trailed down my cheeks, I turned away from him and pressed my palms against the cool glass of the window. The sun was just beginning to rise over the treetops in all its glory. I drank in the sight for a long moment, thankful that beauty, not darkness would be the last thing I saw. I slowly closed my eyes and waited.

The Chosen: Chapter 4

Chapter 4

A Warm Welcome

Doctor Wingerd stood to the side of the stage as she watched her test subjects file into the large hall and find their seats.  Excitement coursed through her.  At last she was going to get what she had always dreamed of: fame and power.  Once everyone was seated and had quieted down, she turned on her mike and climbed the steps to the stage.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!” she cried as she strode to the center of the stage, her heels clicking on the hard surface.  She spread her arms in welcome as she beamed at the faces around her.  “I cannot tell you how pleased I am to see you all here before me and that you were all so willing to sacrifice your time to help science continue to move forward!  I hope you all had safe travels here from wherever you came from and I hope you are all finding your living arrangements to be satisfactory!”  A murmur of approval arose from the audience as these words.  She wasn’t surprised, everything about the apartments she had built for them was top of the line and most had never lived anywhere quite so nice in all their lives.

Silencing the crowd with a slight wave of her hands, she continued, “Now, I know you are all eager to get to the dinner we have specially prepared for you, so I will be quick in giving you some of the details as to how things are going to work out here.  Over the next week you all will be meeting with 250 of the world’s best 3D modelers to create your new bodies.  You will also be meeting with 250 of the world’s best psychologists and medical professionals to create your new mental and medical state.  Tomorrow you will have the whole day to yourselves to explore our facilities, begin to work out and list what changes you would like to make to yourselves, or anything else you might want to do around the center.  I am sorry that you will not be able to go into the city as there is just too much of a risk of injury or of you getting lost.”  Groans of disappointment and some protests erupted at this, but were quickly silenced by her next words.  “I know that is a disappointment to many of you, but I want you to know that later on during testing, there will be several trips into the city, so do not despair.  We just need you to be patient.”

The Chosen: Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Hello, New York!

So, I realized I haven’t really introduced or told you about myself which considering my story, was a bit short-sighted on my apart.  Hello, my name is Morgan.  You already know my age, so let me tell you what you don’t know.  I’m of average height and not-so-average weight.  Okay, that’s an understatement, I weigh 300lbs making me officially obese.  In terms of looks, well, there’s not much to talk about.  I have muddy green eyes, longish brown hair, and, yeah, there’s not much more to talk about there.  In a word, I consider myself to be ugly.  I’ve struggled with my weight most of my life so I’ve never really felt pretty.  And while most of my classmates in high school were flirting and jumping from one boyfriend to another, I was single till my senior year.  I already told you a little bit about how that turned out.  We broke up my freshman year of college and I haven’t dated since.

My weight was the biggest reason I wanted to undergo the transformation, that and, of course, my depression.  Doctor Wingerd had shown that she could completely cure depression in chimps, so humans shouldn’t be an issue.  About the only things she couldn’t completely cure were cerebral palsy and autism, but even though she couldn’t cure them, she had still shown that she could significantly improve the chimps quality of life.

As the days ticked by until my flight to New York, I found that I spent more and more of my time alone in my room.  I was ecstatic and wildly excited.  Soon I would have the svelte figure I’d always wanted, soon everyday wouldn’t be a nightmare, soon I’d actually have a life to live!  But the people around me, didn’t share my enthusiasm.  My parents were still gently trying to persuade me to change my mind, telling me that I had the power to change myself if I chose.  But it wasn’t just the depression or the weight that I wanted to get rid of.  There were other aspects of myself that I wanted to completely change that no one else knew about.  I wasn’t about ready to spill all my secrets, so I listened politely and then informed them I was still going through with it.

My friends were, if possible, even more resistant to the idea which I found odd.  Between them telling me I was beautiful as I was (something I hadn’t believed in years), that I was funny (I didn’t believe that either), caring (or that), and an amazing friend (definitely not that) and my parents telling me I was smart and intelligent (hah), beautiful (double hah), and a wonderful young woman (triple hah), I felt very alone and very unsupported.  I just couldn’t figure out how they could possibly not understand what a huge opportunity this was for me.  Why couldn’t they just be happy for me?

The Chosen: Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The Stakes Are Raised

Doctor Wingerd walked with quick steps through the halls of her research center.  Her high heels clicked on the polished white tiles, the tell-tale sound sending scientists and researchers scurrying out of her way.  She was a tall, striking woman, only in her mid-forties, with short red hair just starting to grey and a long, slightly angular face.  A pair of glasses perched on her nose, partially hiding her vivid green eyes.  She was a beautiful woman, which she knew full well, but beautiful in a dangerous way.  She was not the kind of person anyone really wanted to get close to or was close to.  She kept people at a careful distance and they kept their distance from her.  She had never been married, never even dated, rather devoting her entire life to her studies.

Her breath caught in her throat as she opened the pod room door and once again saw her life’s creation.  It never ceased to excite and stun her that she had actually succeeded.  In the center of the room stood a long, oval pod, roughly seven feet tall and four feet wide.  Wires and tubes surrounded it, snaking along the ground.  A short, balding man, her head research doctor, stepped out from behind it, studying several of the tubes, too absorbed in his work to even realize she was present.

“Doctor Gellert?” she said softly, a faint British accent tingeing her tones.

The man looked up sharply and uttered a short exclamation.  “Doctor Wingerd!” he cried, scurrying over to her and wringing his hands.  “I didn't see you there!  My apologies!”

She raised one graceful hand to silence him.  “It does not matter, Doctor, I simply wanted to see how you were faring here with the animal experiments and if you had the latest batch of results.”

“Of course, of course!” he said, nodding furiously.  “Right over here!”

The Chosen: Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The Letter That Changed My Life

This is the story of my life, of how my whole world changed with a single decision because of a single letter.  Now you may be thinking that a 23 year old girl can’t have all that interesting of a life and maybe to you my life is boring as bricks but read a little more before you give up on me.  You might actually find it worth your time.

The day I got the letter, I found myself at a crossroads.  Like I said, I was 23 years old, a college student going for a theatre degree.  Now if I had been like most young adults my age, I probably would have been about to graduate from college, I probably would have a steady full time or part time job, I probably would have my own apartment or be living with a couple of roommates, I probably would have some money set aside for the future, I probably would have a steady boyfriend or even a fiancé, and my life would be looking pretty good.  But for me, that wasn't the case.  I was about to fail college for the third time, never having made it past my sophomore year, I hadn't had a job for almost a year and I still lived with my parents and I’d only ever dated one guy, five years earlier.  I was never any good at saving, so I didn't have a penny to my name except for what my parents occasionally gave me.  In my mind, I was a complete and utter failure.

You see, I had been struggling with severe depression for years and it had devoured my life.  I’m not talking I’m-feeling-a-little-down-today depression, I’m talking full on my-life-is-worthless-I’m-suicidal depression.  Five years previously, I had gone from a fairly happy, optimistic, reasonably successful person to a pessimistic, hopeless failure in less than a year.  I won’t bore you with all the details that led me to that point, but suffice it to say that I was a wreck of a human being.

The Last of the Dragon Riders: Chapter 2

I would actually really appreciate some feedback on this chapter as to whether the dialogue is understandable and if it all flows and sounds decent.  So if you have an opinion, please share!

Chapter 2:

Snow

Snow ducked her head against the freezing wind as she struggled with the swinging buckets of water.  Her neck and shoulders ached from carrying countless buckets from the spring to the storehouse.  She let out a sigh of relief as the large building appeared through the trees.  It wasn’t a long walk to and from the spring and storehouse, but the spring was tucked into the woods and walking back to the storehouse with two full buckets was tricky what with trying to avoid any deep patches of snow and fallen trees and branches.

“Coorie up, lassie!”

Snow looked up with dread.  Dranan, the head of the water team, was stalking towards her.  She could tell even from a distance that he was angry.  His eyebrows were bunched together and his face was redder than usual.

“Whit took ye sae lang?” he snapped at her.  “Th’ others ur awreddy dain.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” she apologized.  “This is my last trip.”

“Well, coorie up, Ah dornt hae aw day,” he said, eyeing her disapprovingly.

“Yes, sir,” she said quietly.

Dranan watched her as she shifted the heavy yoke sitting across her thin shoulders and began slowly walking the remaining distance to the storehouse.  He shook his head disgustedly as she struggled up the short hill below the building.  He spat on the ground in annoyance and strode towards the girl who had momentarily paused to rest.

“Gie it haur,” he said impatiently, pulling the yoke from her shoulders with practiced ease and setting it about his own without spilling a single drop.  “Useless lassie, ah dunnae ken wa we keep ye aroond.”

The Last of the Dragon Riders: Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

Autumn

            
The noon sun shone high in the sky, beating down on the tiny village that sprawled up against the great forest.  The heat of the day had driven the villagers inside, seeking relief from the burning rays of the sun.  Well, almost all the villagers.  In the meadow overlooking the village, a lone figure lay stretched out in the grass, soaking in the warmth, savoring the feeling of the sun’s rays on her face.  Autumn stretched out her long legs, enjoying one of the last warm days of the year.  Though the heat made it difficult to believe, winter was fast approaching and it wouldn’t be long before the cold took over.

Autumn opened her eyes and looked up at the sky.  It was an impossible shade of blue today without a single cloud to mar its beauty.  She sighed with contentment.  She loved moments like this when all was still and silent.  Everything seemed so much sharper and clearer during those moments:  the air tasted sweeter, the grass was greener, the ground softer.  A dog barked in the distance, breaking the spell.  Autumn sighed.  Those moments happened far too infrequently in her opinion and to have it disturbed by a dog.  She grumbled slightly as she got to her feet and began dusting off her dress.  The trees rustled as the wind raced through their leaves.  Autumn’s long red hair danced around her face as the wind caught at it.  She smiled.  This wind was playful, mischievous, not cold and cruel like the winds that often blew down from the mountains through the tiny village she called home.

Perfectly Imperfect: Excerpt

Megan looked up at the machine before her, tall, metal, imposing.  It looked alien and it frightened her.  But this was her ticket, her ticket to finally be the person she'd always dreamed of being.  She stretched out a shaking hand and placed it lightly against the cool metal.  Her brow furrowed as an internal war raged.  Doubts, hopes, dreams, fears roiled in her, clashing angrily as she stood motionless.  What if it didn't work?  What if the machine failed and she was left just as she was, an insecure, overweight, unattractive young woman with average intelligence and a screwed up personality.  Or worse, what if the machine only made her glaring faults even more obvious?  She groaned as the battle within her continued.  Her family and friends told her they loved her just as she was, she didn't need to change everything about herself.  But they didn't really know her, they couldn't see the darkness in her heart, the dark and twisted part of herself that she kept carefully hidden.  "Everyone has their secrets," she'd read once.  She hated her secrets, was tired of trying to hide the parts of her herself, of her past that ashamed her.  She could change all that, she could be the good, loving person she'd always wished she could be.  She could be the kind of young woman who made a difference in the world.  She could be confident, could be beautiful, smart, talented instead of the little nothing she was now.  She looked down at herself, at her fat, flabby body that she was so ashamed of and that others made fun of her for.  Hatred welled up inside her.  She hated herself, hated everything she was.  Resolve lit her eyes as she stepped back from the machine and looked at the small group of scientists standing behind her.  "I'm ready," she said.

If you could change yourself, everything about yourself, and become a new person, would you do it?

The Last of the Dragon Riders: Prologue

“Retreat!  Retreat!  All Dragon Riders retreat!”

            The voice could scarcely be heard over the roars of dragons and the screams of their riders.  At the sound of it, however, about a dozen of these dragons turned in their flight and began flying rapidly back toward the base in the distance.  Their enemies pursued them, striving to bring them down as they fled.  One of the retreating dragons faltered slightly as a strong head wind hit it and in a moment the enemy had caught up to it.  The air was filled with screams and roars as the dragon and its rider strove to get away, but the enemy were too many and in moments a sword was plunged through the dragons heart and its rider was snatched up into the gaping maw of one of the dragons.  The disturbance caused the other riders to look back, but there was nothing they could do.  They pushed their mounts to even greater speeds, silently shedding tears for their fallen companions and for the hundreds of others who had died in that accursed war.  They had been so confident of victory in the beginning yet they had not realized how strong their enemy was growing over time.  From the eve of the war over twelve years ago, he had held the upper hand; still, they were hoping they could win.  Now after all this time, they were retreating once again.