Twilight: Rewritten (Chapter 2)

One thing I want to mention before I get too far along is that what I'm doing is just writing. I am really not doing any kind of editing at this point, so I realize that what you're reading is very raw. I'm sorry if that bugs anyone, but my goal at this point is just to get everything written and then go back because I have an issue of getting partway through a story and just stopping. If you've read my blog, that's probably pretty obvious. I do best writing short stories where I can get all my ideas out at once. I'm hoping this one will fare better since I actually have the story fairly complete in my head which is a first honestly. Anyway, I will hopefully get chapter 3 written and posted between now and Tuesday. I have classes all day tomorrow so I don't expect I'll get anything done then.

I was woken up by a light tapping on my knee. I opened my eyes slowly, blinking owlishly as I looked around in confusion. It took me a second to reorient myself and remember where I was.

"Sorry to wake you, girl, but we're here," Duane told me, gesturing at the small house before me.

His words shook the final remnants of sleep from me as I leaned forward and took my first look at my new home. I was relieved to see my red Xterra already sitting in the driveway. It had been simpler just to have it moved along with the rest of my possessions rather than making the almost 1,500 mile drive myself. I was already paying to have everything else moved and moving it as well had proved to be much cheaper than I had expected.

The Chosen: Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The Stakes Are Raised

Doctor Wingerd walked with quick steps through the halls of her research center.  Her high heels clicked on the polished white tiles, the tell-tale sound sending scientists and researchers scurrying out of her way.  She was a tall, striking woman, only in her mid-forties, with short red hair just starting to grey and a long, slightly angular face.  A pair of glasses perched on her nose, partially hiding her vivid green eyes.  She was a beautiful woman, which she knew full well, but beautiful in a dangerous way.  She was not the kind of person anyone really wanted to get close to or was close to.  She kept people at a careful distance and they kept their distance from her.  She had never been married, never even dated, rather devoting her entire life to her studies.

Her breath caught in her throat as she opened the pod room door and once again saw her life’s creation.  It never ceased to excite and stun her that she had actually succeeded.  In the center of the room stood a long, oval pod, roughly seven feet tall and four feet wide.  Wires and tubes surrounded it, snaking along the ground.  A short, balding man, her head research doctor, stepped out from behind it, studying several of the tubes, too absorbed in his work to even realize she was present.

“Doctor Gellert?” she said softly, a faint British accent tingeing her tones.

The man looked up sharply and uttered a short exclamation.  “Doctor Wingerd!” he cried, scurrying over to her and wringing his hands.  “I didn't see you there!  My apologies!”

She raised one graceful hand to silence him.  “It does not matter, Doctor, I simply wanted to see how you were faring here with the animal experiments and if you had the latest batch of results.”

“Of course, of course!” he said, nodding furiously.  “Right over here!”

The Last of the Dragon Riders: Chapter 2

I would actually really appreciate some feedback on this chapter as to whether the dialogue is understandable and if it all flows and sounds decent.  So if you have an opinion, please share!

Chapter 2:

Snow

Snow ducked her head against the freezing wind as she struggled with the swinging buckets of water.  Her neck and shoulders ached from carrying countless buckets from the spring to the storehouse.  She let out a sigh of relief as the large building appeared through the trees.  It wasn’t a long walk to and from the spring and storehouse, but the spring was tucked into the woods and walking back to the storehouse with two full buckets was tricky what with trying to avoid any deep patches of snow and fallen trees and branches.

“Coorie up, lassie!”

Snow looked up with dread.  Dranan, the head of the water team, was stalking towards her.  She could tell even from a distance that he was angry.  His eyebrows were bunched together and his face was redder than usual.

“Whit took ye sae lang?” he snapped at her.  “Th’ others ur awreddy dain.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” she apologized.  “This is my last trip.”

“Well, coorie up, Ah dornt hae aw day,” he said, eyeing her disapprovingly.

“Yes, sir,” she said quietly.

Dranan watched her as she shifted the heavy yoke sitting across her thin shoulders and began slowly walking the remaining distance to the storehouse.  He shook his head disgustedly as she struggled up the short hill below the building.  He spat on the ground in annoyance and strode towards the girl who had momentarily paused to rest.

“Gie it haur,” he said impatiently, pulling the yoke from her shoulders with practiced ease and setting it about his own without spilling a single drop.  “Useless lassie, ah dunnae ken wa we keep ye aroond.”