Twilight:Rewritten (Chapter 3)

I had someone ask me when the lead male is going to appear. All I have to say right now is patience. It'll probably be another couple of chapters. I really want to develop my female lead and give a clear picture of her life so the differences between before and after him are obvious. You'll likely meet him before the end of the week, so just be patient. All in good time.

It was after one in the afternoon by the time I woke up. I dragged myself out of bed and went to the window, pushing aside the curtains to look out the window groggily. The day was once again overcast, but the clouds hung lower today and the threat of rain was heavy in the air. My grumbling stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten in nearly 24 hours. I began to head for the kitchen before remembering that I had yet to go shopping and the house was completely devoid of food. Groaning, I dug through boxes for shampoo, conditioner, soap and my other bathroom supplies. Thus armed, I marched into the bathroom to try to make myself presentable enough to go out into public.

Despite my desire to get out and go shopping, I had to admit that the shower was pleasantly refreshing. I studied my face in the mirror as I dried my hair, trying to decide if I felt like putting out the effort of applying makeup. Normally I at least wore concealer and foundation with a bit of blush to even out my complexion, but I had noticed the previous day that without the harsh sun of the desert hitting my skin, it actually looked quite pretty. I walked back into the bedroom and opened the curtains wide before turning to face the mirror that leaned against the wall. My skin looked smooth, almost flawless, which was a feat in and of itself and I was certainly paler than usual; no one here would guess that I was a Latina though my skin was still too dark for me to be taken as a pure white girl. I shook my hair over my shoulder and took a moment to admire how the darkness of my hair highlighted the paleness of my face. I'd never considered myself to be really pretty. I figured I was average at best, but looking at myself now, I actually felt pretty for the first time in who knew how long.

Twilight: Rewritten (Chapter 2)

One thing I want to mention before I get too far along is that what I'm doing is just writing. I am really not doing any kind of editing at this point, so I realize that what you're reading is very raw. I'm sorry if that bugs anyone, but my goal at this point is just to get everything written and then go back because I have an issue of getting partway through a story and just stopping. If you've read my blog, that's probably pretty obvious. I do best writing short stories where I can get all my ideas out at once. I'm hoping this one will fare better since I actually have the story fairly complete in my head which is a first honestly. Anyway, I will hopefully get chapter 3 written and posted between now and Tuesday. I have classes all day tomorrow so I don't expect I'll get anything done then.

I was woken up by a light tapping on my knee. I opened my eyes slowly, blinking owlishly as I looked around in confusion. It took me a second to reorient myself and remember where I was.

"Sorry to wake you, girl, but we're here," Duane told me, gesturing at the small house before me.

His words shook the final remnants of sleep from me as I leaned forward and took my first look at my new home. I was relieved to see my red Xterra already sitting in the driveway. It had been simpler just to have it moved along with the rest of my possessions rather than making the almost 1,500 mile drive myself. I was already paying to have everything else moved and moving it as well had proved to be much cheaper than I had expected.

Twilight: Rewritten (Chapter 1)

I am aware that this is a very short chapter, but I'm finding as I begin to write that a fair amount of research is required. This is mostly due to the fact that I want to make this my own and not be an obvious rewrite of Twilight because the way I have it planned, it's going to be quite different. As I plan out more and more of the story, I'm finding that I'm taking the very general idea of Twilight, boy meets girl kind of thing but, surprise, boy is actually a vampire and then adding my own twists and turns. One of my biggest goals is to make my female lead have an actual personality. I always hated Bella because she was so boring and I really want to avoid that here. I want my lead to be someone that people can appreciate and identify with and sympathize or empathize with. I want her to be real. Anyway, generally speaking, I think I'm going to continue making the chapters relatively short. I don't have a ton of free time and shorter chapters makes it easier for me to stay focused and actually get something written rather than waiting and hoping for larger chunk of time to be available. In any case, here's chapter 1 and again any thoughts or opinions would be much appreciated!

I pressed my head against the hard glass of the airplane window, straining to see every part of land below. I was struck once again by all the green I saw. It dominated the landscape in a way I had never seen, but then green isn't exactly a common color in the Land of Enchantment. Green mostly came in the form of the weeds that grew everywhere. Browns and greys, though? Those colors were everywhere. I wasn't a fan of them, the colors of the desert. To me they signified desolation, a place where life wasn't meant to grow or thrive. But green, green was life and what I saw below me was a lot of life.

Twilight: Rewritten (Prologue)

I realize it's been month since I've posted anything. Honestly, as much as I've been saving writing prompts on Pinterest and all, I simply haven't had any actual desire to write. However, as I was cleaning out the trunk of my car earlier today, I came across a box of books that had been sitting there for I'm going to say well over a year. They're all books bound for Goodwill, but me being me, I went through to make sure there was nothing that I wanted to keep. Among the various books was the Twilight series, four of the books I hate most. Out of random curiosity and a half-assed desire to try to once again understand why these books are so popular, I flipped through the first one and was once again massively unimpressed. The concept was still spectacularly stupid to me and the writing awful. Not that I can really talk since I can't say if my writing is any better, but then again, nothing I've ever written has gotten on the New York Times Best Seller list. And as most people know the popular Fifty Shades of Grey series originated as a Twilight fanfiction before the names were changed and it was published. Well, flipping through the book, I decided that I wanted to attempt my own "fanfiction" piece, except that I'm not a fan and my idea was rather darker and more in the typical vampire theme. If you've read Twilight, you know it starts with a prologue. Below is my prologue. I'd love some genuine feedback if it sounds interesting and if I should continue. I may continue anyways, but feedback always helps. ;)

Forever. That’s what he’d told me, what he promised me. An eternity together. He wouldn’t lie to me, he couldn't. Why would he when he so clearly loved me; it was in his every look, his every move. It couldn’t all be a lie, could it? I raised my hands to cover my face, to block out the sight before me, and found myself staring at blood, my blood, covering my hands like a scarlet glove. My breath caught in my throat as I stared, my mind struggling to understand all that had transpired within the last hour.

I slowly raised my eyes to his, hoping beyond hope to see even a glimmer of affection. I saw nothing. I looked up into the eyes that had once been so filled with love and finally understood. I had fallen for a monster. I let out a short, hysterical laugh as the pieces slowly fell into place, as I was finally forced to face and accept the inevitable. I was an instrument, his instrument, only wanted and useful until the job was completed. And now, the job was done; I was of no more use to him. A cold smile spread across his lips as he saw the veil lift, as I saw him for who he truly was: a master of manipulation.

I stood up painfully, every inch of my body screaming in protest. His eyes flared with interest, clearly wondering if his prey was going to put up a fight. I, however, had no intention of fighting him, I saw no point in delaying the inevitable. But even as he stalked me, I was once again struck by his beauty, his gracefulness. I was no longer under his spell though and for the first time, I saw just how terrible and dangerous his beauty was. How could I have been so blind? Looking back, it was so easy to see that he was using me. As tears slowly trailed down my cheeks, I turned away from him and pressed my palms against the cool glass of the window. The sun was just beginning to rise over the treetops in all its glory. I drank in the sight for a long moment, thankful that beauty, not darkness would be the last thing I saw. I slowly closed my eyes and waited.

Divided: Part 3

Lea crouched behind the sturdy trunk of the tree, eyes fixed on her prey. One of her knives dangled loosely from her fingertips. The deer she was hunting took a couple steps closer to the tree, nibbling at the grass that grew near the stream. She was beautiful, delicate and graceful, but Lea only noticed that she was well fed and healthy. Inching forward, she slowly raised her hand.

The deer's head jerked up as a sudden change in the breeze alerted her to the scent of the human nearby. Gathering her legs under her, she wheeled around, bounding for the safety of the large trees and bushes behind her. Lea leapt out from behind the tree with a wild cry, throwing her knife with deadly precision. The deer crashed to the ground just feet from the thicket, Lea’s knife buried deep in her heart.

The dying animal thrashed weakly as Lea approached and knelt beside her. With gentle strokes she soothed the doe who slowly quieted under her touch, her great heart slowing till it beat no more. Lea said a prayer over the deer, thanking the gods for providing food to feed her people and asking for the doe’s forgiveness in taking her life. Retrieving her knife, she began to gut the doe stopping suddenly as she sliced down the center of the stomach. How could she have missed something so obvious? The doe had been nursing and recently. Somewhere out there in the dark forest was a fawn waiting for a mother who would never return.

Shock and guilt sent Lea reeling to her feet. Turning away, she heaved into the nearby bushes, her stomach giving up what little food she’d eaten that day. She was always so careful during the spring and summer months to make sure that any prey she hunted were not nursing mothers. But today she hadn’t even thought to check. Her people were starving and depending on her and the other hunters to bring back the food they so desperately needed. The rabbits she’d killed two weeks previously were the last fresh meat they’d had. Since then none of the hunters had succeeded in bringing in anything but a few handfuls of vegetation. Still, not even their desperate need would ever have induced her to break the vow she’d made so many years ago.

Divided: Part 2

"Cataline! Cataline! CATALINE! Where are you, girl?!"

Cataline sighed and walked back into her room from the balcony where she'd been watching the sun set. She loved watching the blaze of colors fill the sky. It was one of her greatest regrets that she didn't get to enjoy it more often.

"I'm here, mother," she called back, wearily settling herself on the small chair in front of her vanity.

"Oh, good!" her mother exclaimed, panting slightly from climbing the stairs. "Kyleen will be up in a moment to brush your hair and help you change for bed. Don't forget that tomorrow's a very special day!"

"I won't, mother," she said quietly, gazing at her reflection in the mirror and dreading the coming day.

Sensing her daughter's distress, her mother moved to stand behind her, gently laying her hands on her daughter's shoulders. "It'll be alright, Cataline," she murmured gently. "Kyleen will help you get ready and no one will notice. Never fear." She kissed the top of her daughter's head before leaving the room, pausing for a moment at the door to look back. Anger once again coursed through her as it did every time she saw her daughter's scarred face.

Divided: Part 1

Since I had several people tell me I should continue developing the story from my last post, I decided to do just that and this is the first part of the continuation of that story. Let me know what you think in the comments!

A soft chanting came from deep within the monastery, echoing off the bare stone walls. They stood in a circle around the flames, their hands joined together as they sought the wisdom of their god. Carefully arranged in a circle around the flames were laid six thin sheets of stone painstakingly carved with ancient runes that only the monks of the monastery could read. The words glowed scarlet in the dancing firelight, seeming to take on a life of their own.

This was the prophecy. Thousands of years ago their god had spoken to the head of their order, giving him the prophecy that was to change the order of the world. Since that time, the prophecy had been fiercely guarded by the monks, the exact words known only to their inner circle. But now the time was coming for it to be set into motion. If ever there had been a time when the world needed to change, it was then for the world was terribly divided. The rich lived in towns of extreme grandeur, feasting on the best food, dressing in the most elegant clothing, living in opulent mansions, all of them commanding a bevy of slaves and servants from the poor class. The poor lived in towns set far apart from those of the rich, forced to survive and try to scrape out a living in the frigid mountains, arid desert or rugged plains, the best land, of course, in the possession of the rich. There was no equality; the rich ruled and the poor served. They had no rights, no ownership, nothing. Everything they had could be stripped from them at a moments notice.

And though the rich depended on the poor to till their fields, raise their livestock, cook their meals, sew their clothes, and serve them in every way, they refused to lift even a finger to help them regardless of how dire their circumstances. Entire towns of the poor were regularly wiped out by disease, wild animals, bandits, and natural disasters without the rich ever noticing. They were safe behind the high walls and gates that protected them.

And so as the division between the two classes continued to grow, the monks prayed over and over again for the events of the prophecy to be set into motion. Surely it was time. Their chanting grew louder as they poured out their hearts and souls, the sound traveling through the dark halls out into the frigid mountain air carrying a message of hope and change.

Abandoned

This is a continuation of the short story Abandon but from the perspective of the girl.  It's a little bit darker than anything else I've ever written or posted so hopefully it's not too much.  I don't feel this is one of my stronger writings so any constructive criticism, general thoughts, or opinions would be very welcome!

The girl cried desperately, reaching out to grab him as he ran.  Terror coursed through her, lending her broken body enough strength to sprint after him for several feet before that strength abandoned her and sent her crashing to the floor.  She continued to scream after him, fear making her heedless of the danger she was in.  She tried to drag herself to her feet, but her legs refused to support her.  Still screaming and crying, she began dragging herself across the ground.  The rational part of her brain told her there was no way she could possibly catch up to him now, not walking and certainly not crawling, but desperation and fear had driven away all rational thought and she continued to toil in vain.

She screamed for the boy until her voice was no more than a whisper, crawled until her legs and hands were scraped and bleeding.  Exhaustion finally brought her to a shuddering stop.  She lay on the cold ground, heedless of the passing time, her body shaking as she sobbed brokenly.  She drew her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them tightly, struggling to hold herself together.  Sleep eventually took her, drawing her into its calming embrace, releasing her, at least temporarily, from the living nightmare she found herself trapped in.

Abandon

This is just a short story.  Though I have some ideas to continue it, that's not something I'm going to be working on right now as I have two other full length novels in progress.  This story came to me while I was at work a week or so ago during a longer break between customers.  I have a tendency to bring a notebook with me to work in case I feel like writing and that's what happened here.  The first sentence just came to me and I ran with it and this is the finished piece for now.  So hopefully you will enjoy it or, if nothing else, find it moderately interesting.

I didn't want to leave her there alone, but what choice did I have?  With the world falling apart around us, how was I to protect her and save myself at the same time?  The unselfish answer was, of course, that I wasn't.  I should give myself up, willingly, so that she could have the chance to live.  Ah, but I was not so unselfish and even if I did give my life up and she escaped, there was no guarantee that she would survive.  In fact there was every chance that she would not.  However, if I saved myself and left her behind, I was fairly certain that I would survive, more certain by far of that outcome than the one of her surviving on her own.

So I left her, alone in those dark echoing caves, alone and injured, hunted by creatures not of this world.  I told her how to get out, but I had no hope that she would be able to outrun our hunters.  They were far too cunning and deadly for a single girl to be able to defeat.  She had nearly collapsed when I told her I was going on without her.  Falling to her knees, she pleaded with me, begged me to stay, to not abandon her.  She knew I was handing her a death sentence.  Her eyes, desperate and haunted, had filled with tears as she realized that she had no hold on me.  Those eyes, shining like the rarest of sapphires in the dim torchlight, had very nearly changed my mind.  But self-preservation is often stronger than the strongest pull to stay.  And so I gave her two of our remaining torches, flint and a piece of steel, and with a quick kiss on her forehead, I left her.